*Play the song while reading,thank you*
I miss you
When I say that, I miss you more
I’m looking at your photo
But I still miss you
Time is so cruel
I hate us
Now it’s hard to even see each other’s faces
Jin smiles to Jimin who packs his backpack while whistling cheerfully. Jimin seems does not realize Jin’s presence at his room’s door. Since they are on their break, Jimin takes the opportunity to go back to his hometown in Busan to visit his parents and also to meet his friends. It has been 3 years since he returned to Busan. Jungkook and Taehyung left together earlier this morning by train. Namjoon, Hoseok and Yoongi are still at the company studio. Jin clears his throat. He is following Jimin to his hometown since Jimin’s mother was excitedly invited him to come over last night.
“Done?”
Jimin turns around.
“Yes. I’m done. Are you done yet?”
“Yes, of course.”
“Let’s go!”
The train from Seoul to Busan takes an average 3 hours to arrive. Since they have a plenty of time to kill, Jimin takes the opportunity to refresh his sign language skills on the YouTube. Jin who is immersed in his reading, stops for a while as Jimin’s actions catch his eyes. He bookmarked the page and put the book on the table.
“What are you doing?”
“Sign language”
“Oh really? I mean, why?”
“I’m afraid that I might forget the language”
Jin raises his eyebrows.
“There is a friend of mine, who is my neighbor and she is mute”
“Is she beautiful?”
“Hyung!”
The train runs swiftly passing the towns and suburbs that full of greenery. Jimin takes some of the photos of the scenery. Jin knows that Jimin is going to show those pictures to his ‘friend’ later. And that was the ultimate reason they were heading to Busan right now.
//
It’s only winter here
Even in August, winter is here
My heart makes time run
Like a Snow piercer left alone
I wanna hold your hand
And go to the other side of the earth
To end this winter
How much longing has to fall like snow
For the spring days to come?
Friend
It has been two days since they arrived at Busan. Jin is in the kitchen with Jimin’s mother, trying to cook something for dinner. Jimin is laying on his bed, staring at the empty ceiling. The outside heat is burning since it is summer. Jimin lowers the AC’s temperature to keep the cool air in his room. Then he hears the crackling pebbles hitting his window panes. He walks to the windows. There is a girl who smiles brightly to him while waving her hands delightfully. She raises her scrapbook to her window panes.
‘Welcome back, JimJim”
Jimin smiles. He rushes to his desk to find something to write on.
‘I’m home. Where have you been?’
‘Hospital, medical checkup’
‘Is everything okay?’
‘Great. I’m good’
‘Glad to hear it’
Anais turns to the door as her mother opens it. The mother smiles to Jimin. She writes on something and shows it to Jimin again.
‘Got to go, eat dinner. Let’s talk again tomorrow, JimJim’
“Ne, let’s talk tomorrow’
Jimin smiles as he waves to Anais. She is getting prettier as years goes by. Jimin likes her and she is his first love since the day she moved to be his next door neighbor 7 years ago, but he never told her. Kim Anais is a Korean-French who moved back to Korea and stay at Busan after the divorcement of her parents 7 years ago. She is at the same age with Jimin and has been homeschooled since she got involved in an accident 3 years after she moved to Busan. She was paralyzed from waist down to her legs and lost her voice cord from the accident. It was severe and miracle for her to be alive until today. And Jimin is her one and only friend. Jimin was working so hard learning the sign language to talk to Anais after that. His BTS friends know that he knows the sign language but never know the reason behind the skills.
“Have you met Anais today? Her mother told me that she’s getting discharge from the hospital today” Jimin’s mother asked him as he sits on the chair at the kitchen. Jin fix his ears to listen the conversation.
“Yeah. I talked to her just now. But, getting discharged? She told me that she was on her medical checkup?”
“Err, yeah, she got fever and has been hospitalized”
//
Jin and Anais waits for Jimin who went to the store to buy ice creams for them. They are at the beach. It has been a long time since Anais came to the beach. She misses the white sand, the breezes, the sound of the waves smashing the sands, white seagulls flying above their heads, trying to find some small crabs or maybe small fishes to eat and also the people’s laughter. She missed everything about it. She takes a deep breath and exhale along with the warm breezes that caress her cheeks.
Jin tries to find some topics to converse with Anais to break the ice between them until something came up,
“Do you like game?”
Anais nods. She grabs her sketchbook and writes on something.
‘Super Mario’. She smiles.
“Really?! Which character?”
‘Yoshi. He’s really cute! JimJim brought it to me on my birthday last year’
“You know, I have tons of Super Mario’s collection back in Seoul. You should come to Seoul sometimes and I can show my collection!”
Anais nods delightfully.
‘Thank you for be such a good friend to JimJim.’
Jin nods. “Yes we are”
Jimin walks to them with a plastic bag of ice creams and cold beverages. He takes out a cone of chocolate vanilla ice cream and peel off the paper as he kneels down to match Anais’s height since she sits on the wheelchair. Jimin smiles with his eyes. Jin smirks naughtily.
“So prince charming, JimJim”
“ Hyung! Only Anais can call me JimJim”
“Wae?”
“Just because, she’s Anais!”
“ Soooo luckkyyy”
Anais smiles. Surely, she will be missing those whining soon.
//
Snowflakes are falling
Getting farther away
I miss you (I miss you)
I miss you (I miss you)
How much more do I have to wait?
How many more nights do I have to stay up?
Until I can see you? (until I can see you?)
Until I can meet you? (until I can meet you?)
“Anais, why did you keep throwing up? Is your stomach ache?”
Anais shakes her head. She makes a sign showing that she is already full to her mother. Her mother sighs. Then suddenly, the doorbell rings. Her mother went to open the door. It was Jimin who came to send his mother’s pancakes to the house. Jimin saw Anais tries so hard to push the wheelchair out from the toilet by herself. He rushes to help her. She makes sign for him not to get closer as she might be smelly from the throwing up. But Jimin ignores it.
“What happened, ommonim?”
“She refused to eat and claimed to be full already when she’s just ate a spoon of the pumpkin soup.”
Jimin turns to Anais. She avoids to have eye contacts with Jimin. She knew, Jimin can read her, even a glimpse of her action. She rolls the wheels to the house-built ramp. She wants to go to her bedroom. Jimin stops her and carry her in bridal style. Anais shocked. Her face turns red as tomatoes.
“I will talk to her, ommonim”
“Thank you, Jiminie”
He puts her down to her bed. He kneels down and try to find a look into her eyes. He asks her in sign language,
‘You’re losing weight’
‘I’m sorry’
‘Why?’
‘I will be too heavy for mom to carry me upstairs if I keep eating’
Anais feels like her eyes are going to burst. There are water in her eyes, ready to flood out. And then, Jimin hugs her.
“I should stay here”
Anais shakes her head and make a sign ‘No’.
‘Stop making me feel like a burden’
‘But you’re not a burden’
‘I do’
Jimin holds her hands and put on his chest.
‘I like you’
//
Jimin slams his bedroom door, startling Jin who is playing XBOX with Jimin’s brother. Jin turns to the brother, confused. They rise their eyebrows and rush to upstairs. The wooden floor are cracking from those footsteps.
“What happened?”
“I confessed”
“And?”
“Got rejected”
//
Like a small piece
Of dust
That floats in the air
If the flying snow is me
I could
Reach you faster
Jimin and Jin returns to Seoul after 5 days of short vacation. They passed by Anais’s house but the house seems empty. Jimin’s mother assumes that they might go to the hospital again. Jimin and Jin board the train with heavy heart since they could not meet Anais before their departing.
“Hey, buy her more Yoshi. May be she will likes you back”
“That’s not funny, hyung”
“It might works. Who knows”
The journey back to Seoul feels so empty. Jimin feels like he missed something back at home. Their arrival at the train station were awaited by the manager. Jimin went into a silent mode and dozes off until they reach the dorm. Only Jin who gives a few details about the vacation to the manager. He also excitedly told the manager about the reason of Jimin’s sign language skill.
//
“Jimin’s mother, Anais might not be able to come home this time. Not anymore”
“Does she getting worse?”
Anais’s mother nods.
“Don’t tell Jiminie. Anais might be furious if she know that I’m telling you this.”
“But why?”
“She does not want to bother him. He got his new life already. He can’t be stuck here, with her forever.”
“No she’s not”
“Jimin’s mother, my daughter is dying”
//
BTS returns to their activities as they are preparing for their comeback. There are a bunch of songs that need to be selected and finalize. The producers are working so hard to make out the best album as BTS keeps gaining the fames each days. The fandom grows, nationally and internationally. Months passed. Now, winter has arrives. Jimin would call home, asking about the family well-being and so on , but he avoids to ask thing about Anais even he really want to do so. He afraid that Anais might does not want to speak with him anymore after the sudden confession. To be honest, he was afraid of another rejection. He was really heartbroken. She was his first love. And forever will be.
Did you change?
(Did you change?)
Or did I change?
(Did I change?)
I hate even this moment that is passing
I guess we changed
I guess that’s how everything is
“Son, aren’t you coming home?”
“I’m busy. We’re preparing for the comeback. Why, mom? Is there-“
“If you have some free time, come back home, please?”
“I will”
//
Yeah I hate you
Although you left
There hasn’t been a day that I have forgotten you
Honestly, I miss you
But now I’ll erase you
Because that will hurt less than resenting you
Jimin received a text message from his brother that afternoon. Lucky enough he checked his phone before went to dance practice room. But the text message told the otherwise,
‘Anais noona passed away this afternoon. They will cremate her body tomorrow morning.’
And that is when Jimin cries his heart out. He did not expect the news but he knew, it was not a joke when he called his mother to confirm out the thing. It was the first time for his BTS friends to see him bawling his eyes out. He cries until he loses his voice. Jin came and hugged him. He know, there is no word can console Jimin. He was too heartbroken by the news. His heart shatters into pieces.
“That’s why she rejected me. Hyung-“
“I know, I know”
“I’m the bad guy, I don’t deserve her”
He lays on the floor in his dark room all day long, refusing to talk with anyone. He feels like his world has come to an end. Falls to the bottom of the pit. His childhood friend is gone for forever. No more Anais’s smiles. No more vanilla chocolate ice cream by the sea shore. No more messages on the sketchbook in the middle of the night. No more star gazing together. No more talking about dream that will never be reached. No more his lovely Kim Anais.
//
I’m blowing out the cold you
Like smoke, like white smoke
I say that I’m gonna erase you
But actually, I still can’t let you go
His BTS friends stand still in the nearly empty room where they hold the funeral ceremony. Anais has no other relatives. People who visited them were the people in the neighborhood. And they left after that. Only Jimin’s family stay to accompany Anais’s mother. Jimin looks helplessly towards Anais’s mother. He drags his feet to her and hugs her. Her hugs feels warm like always. But the face shown otherwise. The lady just lost her one and only child, her family. She pats Jimin’s back.
“I’m sorry son”
Jimin thought he could hold his tears but he failed.
“Thank you for be the best, best friend Anais ever had. You’re a good boy.”
//
Jimin takes the lead to bring the ashes after the cremation to the funeral site. He takes a long, long look on Anais’s picture. He wants to stand still but his legs give up. He cries like a child. They let him be.
“I’m sorry, Anais.”
“I miss you.”
“I love you.”
“Please come back”
And those words will never be answered for forever.
//
You know it all
You’re my best friend
The morning will come again
Because no darkness,
No season
Can last forever
The sketchbooks that Anais’s mother gave him that morning have not been read yet. Jimin stares blankly at the paper bag. Jin and Namjoon came to his room to check him out. Jimin still lie on the floor after 5 hours since they reached their dorm. Jin caress Jimin’s hair gently.
“Just read, Jimin. May be she wrote something for you”
“Come out when you finish, Jin hyung cooked something for you. We are all worry about you”
“I’m sorry, hyung, can you leave me alone now?”
//
Past the end of this cold winter
Until the spring comes again
Until the flowers bloom again
Stay there a little longer
Stay there
My 5 Wishes:
- I wish for my mother to travel the world once again when I died. I want her to feel alive once again and help her to be happy again.
- I wish for my JimJim to have a lot of friends that will love him for who he is because he is the best, best friend that I ever had.
- I wish for my JimJim to meet a nice girl in future and have a happy family, because even though I love him, this love will end sooner and I do not want him to be sad and give him a false hope. (And also, I don’t know if he would like a disable girl like me.)
- I wish for JimJim omma’s flower shop to be successful because I like her flowers and I like Aunty.
- Lastly, dear God, I wish to die in winter so the flowers will bloom beautifully in spring.
EPILOGUE:
Anais was admitted into the hospital after taking a short break. Jimin’s mother calls in to tell her, Jimin is coming back for a short break. Anais was begging her mother and her doctor to let her to return home. Last month, Anais was diagnosed with blood cancer and she was at her final stage already when they found out. She knew that the hope to continue her living is not on her side this time. It is her time to go. She believes, God let her live after the terrible accident for a reason. To make up everything before the real farewell. And she lived to her fullest. Learning everything new from the start. Sign language, wheelchair, the ramp, disable card, friendships, the one who stay and people who left. She was beyond more than grateful to the miracle. Because, with every broken bones, she swears, she lived.
Short note: Thank you for reading and I'm sorry if there's any grammar mistakes.. I like the lyrics so I thought may be I could work out something from the beautiful lyrics. Again,thank you for reading (If there's any reader..haha). Kim Anais is portrays by Yagi Arisa.
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